tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
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BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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