youre lurking in front of me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Success! We fucked roommates!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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