I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
