he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
