My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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