wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
