You're so nebulous sometimes
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize