I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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