whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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