You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
