the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
