i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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