Welp...herpes.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
