I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
