all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
