T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
