well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
