So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
