when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
