your room smells of hookers.
And success
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
