I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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