His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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