I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
