I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
