U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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