my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
