Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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