Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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