it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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