so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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