NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Ladies don't puke and tell
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize