he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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