DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
