i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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