A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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