Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
