i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
