Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
