Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
