My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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