i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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