i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize