dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Farmville is her only friend.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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