You're completely useless in the revolution.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
