my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
