I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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