I think im going to throw up on grandma
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
