I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
