What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
