i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
