he puts the penis in happiness.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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