You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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