I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
