theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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