why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
