Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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