They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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