this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
