i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
