The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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