what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
