You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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