Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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