i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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