Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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