Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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