she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
