if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
