apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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