This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
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AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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