dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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