I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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